Does anyone else use words without knowing exactly what they mean? The theme for the Speaker Slam competition in January 2025 was resilience. The organizers asked me if I had any stories to share. Sure, I’m tough! I used to be a boxer. ‘It’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. It’s about how much you can take, and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!’
Except… In Latin, Re means back, and Salire means to jump, leap. So, with all due respect to Rocky Balboa, resilience is not just a matter of how much you can take, it is about the rebound: side-stepping what is thrown at you and transforming it such that you bounce back with momentum.
Bouncing back with momentum is not something I am known for, mentally, physically or emotionally. I have a rigid personality. I tense up. I dig in my heels. And when I do get knocked out? It takes me years to recover. Sooo… what on earth was I going to talk about at Speaker Slam?
I signed up for the Speaker Slam competition in April 2024, soon after discovering my calling for storytelling. I didn’t know what story I would share just yet, but with 9 months until the competition, I was sure something would pop up. By September, with 4 months to go, I was certain inspiration would strike at some point. New Year’s Day came and went, and I still had nothing, but no need to worry, I work best under pressure.
The competition was set for January 28, 2025. As of January 16th, I was still drawing a blank. I had 10 friends who had already bought their tickets, another dozen or so who had committed to livestreaming it. Panic set in. My friends began reaching out, asking me how I was doing, if I was ready, if I wanted to get in some reps with them before the big day. I lied. I said I had it all under control.
Then on the morning of January 19th, my friend Amber texted me out of the blue: “Btw, idea for your speech. Tie in your return to boxing. I feel like resilience fits so naturally with boxing. You can also talk about how you aren’t the same person as before but you are returning to the training for all that you get out of it. Maybe part of resilience is us accepting how we change as we get older and adapting and trying to stay true to ourselves and our purpose. Resilience to keep following the path. I was thinking about it last night but it was 1am so I didn’t want to text you that late lol.”
How did she guess I needed help?!
I couldn’t articulate my reasons for going back to boxing. I just knew that it was a space where I’d once been happy.
Boxing means different things to different people. For some, it is a chance to master one’s fears, to reassert dominance over our animalistic natures. For others, it is a microcosm of life with reassuring boundaries that limit how badly you can get messed up: referees, coaches, the ropes. It took writing this speech for me to realize that boxing holds the keys to resilience, namely:
- adaptability: learning to step back, to block, to reset;
- vulnerability: choosing to be seen for who we are, not who we imagine ourselves to be;
- community: cherishing the people in our corner, fighting our battles with us.
“Asking for help is a sign of weakness.” “No one is coming to save you, you gotta take care of number 1.” “Everyone has their own struggles, imposing your burdens on them is rude and self-centered.” For as long as I can remember I’ve told myself a story that revealing my true self to others is a dangerous proposition, one that will be weaponized against me. My life has been a solitary journey by design. It hasn’t served me well.
I used to think that creativity was also a solitary journey – an authentic expression of self. But in the past year, as I have taken up my pen, I’ve discovered that creativity is also a team sport. My best work comes from discussions from my “creative clusters”: a selection of 3-4 people with whom I can dump my hazy ideas and play around with them until a semblance of a structure emerges. My stories are not mine, per se: I am merely the channel by which they get expressed. My job is to remove the obstacles that prevent them from resonating. I’ve found I can do that much more effectively when I seek out the input of trusted fellow creators.
Many different people helped me with this speech. I spent hours on the phone with two of my friends tweaking the language for clarity. I worked with the assistant coaches at the gym to get the movements right. I did hours of reps with Amber on the day of the competition, to get my pacing just right. Asking for their help required me to be adaptable and incorporate their feedback. To be vulnerable and share a work in progress. To accept that I have people in my corner, cheering me on.
Maybe I am resilient, after all.
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